Crank Calls
by HolliiiCruiser
Summary: Self-explanatory title. Inexplicable randomness. You have been warned.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Way to rub it in.**

**Crank Call**

Numbers are pressed and giggles suppressed as two teenage girls wait with strangled breaths while somewhere, across some galaxy…

… a phone begins to ring.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three rings that seem like a good part of forever pass before the phone give a little click and they know someone has picked up. A few more seconds that adds another large chunk onto afore-mentioned forever and send them into a near-hyperventilational state trickle by before a voice reaches them.

"Hello?"

"Hello."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Can I help you?"

"Actually, we're here to help you."

"Who is this?"  
"Isn't that sort of a personal question? It's still rather early for that in this conversation."

"It's best to get these things out in the open, I've found."

"Way to suck the mystery out of everything."

"…"

"But… since we're asking personal questions now, and you sorta already asked yours, can we ask you one?"

"Will you answer mine if I answer yours?"

"I guess you'll never know unless you give it a go."

"Ask away then."

"I just want to the record to show that this is not our actual question, this is our sub-prologue question. The question that comes before the prologue question that comes before our actual question that precedes any follow up questions that earlier answers may cause us to ask."

"Duly noted."

"Why are you not out saving the universe, or at least some planet that we've never heard of?"

"It's been a slow day."

"Ah. This now concludes the portion of our conversation that is the sub-prologue question. We'll now be moving on to our prologue question."

"Fire away."

"Do you happen to know where Donna Noble picked up some of her outfits? She always looked so put together, attractive but still able to open up a can of kick you in the face if the moment called for it."

"How does that relate to your sub-prologue question?"

"Who said that they had to be inter-related? Who are you, the question police?"

"Was that a follow-up question?"

"We're asking the questions, sir. And, no, that was just to clear up a point in your previous answer. We have to slip these things in for the convenience of all participants."

"Ah."

"With whom are we speaking?"

"The Doctor."

"Doctor _who?_" The bottom of the phone is covered. "See! I told you I could slip that in!"

"Just the Doctor."

"Oh, we love it when you talk like that."

"I was just talking."

"Exactly."

"Is there a reason for your phone call?"

"Was that another question?"

"It was more of a philosophical wandering."

"That's toeing the line, buddy. Watch it. But, yes, there is a reason for our phone call."

"… Which would be?"

"WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!"

"Sorry."

"We're running a routine survey, as part of a larger inquiry we've received from a local conglomerate that has affiliates with some off-this-world powerhouses. Something that relates directly to you."

"I see."

"No, sir, I don't think you do. You can't possibly understand the complexity of what we're dealing with."

"Maybe you could explain it to me."

"Was that a question cleverly hidden as a statement?"

"No."

"That's what we thought."

"You were going to ask me something, I think."

"Yes, we were. If you'd button it long enough for us to drag out a sentence."

"…"

"Very good. We just wanted to know, and if you could answer to the best of your ability and knowledge that would be helpful. Any false or unsatisfactory answers will be studied and brought up before a televised court of law, possibly show up on large news corporations, and be plastered on a variety of tabloid magazines. We just wanted to know, for the sake of everyone involved, if your TARDIS is running satisfactorily?"

"How'd you know about my TARDIS?"

"One more question and we're going to have to come through this phone."

"Yes, my TARDIS is running. Quite a lucky thing, as it's the last one left."

"Well, sir, the best advice we can give you is…"

"Yes?"

"YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!!!"

Click.

"Well, I think that went rather well, don't you?"


	2. Part Deux

**Disclaimer: I only have a nickel. Something tells me that won't cut it.**

**Crank Calls**

**Chapter Two**

A phone sits in a prominent place on a console, almost quivering in anticipation as…

… a few inches away, a long, slender hand reaches out to grab it.

* * *

Rings, short and shrill, ring out and blast through the self-induced stupor that is caused by too much sugar and hormones raging through two teenage bodies. A few more rings and a violent scramble for the phone take almost too long. Finally, they answer.

"Hullooooo??"

"Hullooooo??"

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Who is this?"

"Who is this?"

"You're not funny."

"You're not funny."

"Oh, very mature."

"Oh, very mature."

"Stop repeating me!"

"Stop repeating me!"

"My voice does not sound like that!"

"My voice does not sound like that!"

"Dillhole."  
"Oi! That's very rude!"

"Ha! We win!"

"Ha! We win!"

"Are there even two of you on the phone?"

"Are there even two of you on the phone?"

"I bet you're a lonely old man that is in a deep depression because your cats all died and you're using this as an outlet for all your emotions."

"I'm not repeating all of that."

"Ha! Point two for us!"  
"Who says we're keeping score?"

"Oh, we're _always _keeping score."

"Oh, we're _always _keeping score."

"Can you honestly tell us that you're not a lonely old man in a deep depression because your cats all died and you're using this as an outlet for your emotions?"

"Yes."

"We don't believe you."

"We don't believe you."

"I am a lonely old man in a deep depression because my cats all died and I'm using this as an outlet for my emotions."

"I am a lonely old man in a deep depression because my cats all died and I'm using this as an outlet for my emotions… damn!"

"Ha-ha! Got you again."

"Well, you know what? Your mother."

And with a scream of victory and the snap of a phone, the Doctor kicks back in his captain's chair, thoroughly pleased with himself.

"Oh, very original. You're a Time Lord and all you could come up with was that?" Jack says from his place at the Doctor's side.

"Shut up, you."


End file.
